Because,
I have trouble sleeping at night, some nights are because of my homework and some because I chose not to go to sleep so early as going to bed is into the movie ' Elm Street ' *If you ever watched it*. It's like everywhere I go or whenever I sleep, it will keep on following me. 'He' I called my nightmares. He comes in many forms and it really is does not matter if He appeared to be a woman.
What if I tell you, I can the future in my sleep and had to go through it again in my future, what will you say about me? Even if I was to take a 20 minute nap, but I know He's watching me already. He's watching as I write this blog and He's watching as I slowly close my eyes and see only the darkness before me. I am not writing about a ghost story, but it is the ability I have. Not all of my dreams I wish to come true. Sometimes I could not differ whether I am going through it in reality or it is just a dream. Nope! I have no control over it because it happens spontaneously in my dreams.
The worst I had to see in my dream is when the things around me went in a fast motion on the night my grandfather died. Mum opened her room door and rushed out in shocked, she stared at me for a while and I knew something was wrong from her eyes. Her beloved father had a heart attack. I was with my aunt, Mas, we were watching the television. I could not see the time or the day, but I saw everything happen. Flashed through my mind was the picture of grandfather suffering to survive this deadly, damn deadly heart attack! I was only 11. It was the final year I celebrated my birthday with him. Of course, when I had the dream, I didn't know how old am I. Two weeks pass, same place (living room), Television was on and my aunt next to me. It really happened, I could not believe it at first, but when Mum drove off the garage, I knew that I went through this before. The next day, not a single tear shed down my round cheeks, but deep down inside, I was prepared for this to happen, waiting for the moment when 'He' could teared off my heart to pieces in the inside but I was pretty cool outside.
I saw him lying down, wrapped in white sheets was my grandfather. He was one heck of an awesome grandpa. I practically grew up with him. I hold those tears and actually went home. My house was only a few blocks away. I could not tell what I was feeling anymore. I cried before and here I am again, crying my eyes out because my grandfather was my best friend too.
But 'He', I could see him sometimes in my real life or when I am not asleep. Pretty creepy to be telling this to you, but it was a fact that my nightmares and dreams do come true.
Putting aside my nightmares, came my dreams. I have always wanted to ride a sport car but not just any sports car and guess what! I had a dream that my dad got a new BMW Sports car we were going off for a shopping with my aunt. I dreamt I was locking the gate, but then about 2 months after, it came true. I was locking the gate and there I remembered and stood for quite a long time for me to realize.Some of these dreams I had might happen twice or more in my real life. Wicked!
Although there are times, I rather visit 'He' for fun than to face my real life. He is my fantasy and my world of darkness. Just close my eyes and there I was in his world. He doesn't let me control the story because that's just his job. Mum and Dad always told me to pray before I go to bed to avoid nightmares, but I don't think Mum and Dad understand that I prayed and still get 'He' to visit me at night or morning.
'He' keeps me away from my problems a while because I cannot run from it. It's not just how things work in our life. Surprisingly, I am not actually scared of the dark BUT what is in the dark that kept me in the light. I get dreams every night, but the one that I forget is the one that is going to happen in my reality. It might take a year or even 10 years from now, but I can assure that it will happen. This may terror me, but I think it is what that been trying to keep me strong. I pay strong attention to my surroundings like right now, there's a fight between families in my neighborhood. I can hear their words crawling through the walls. It's how I know or it is how I tell that I am not in His world in my mind.
At the end, between my world and his, the only difference is that we are connected but somehow so far apart yet one world combined. I am not scared to go to sleep now or to dream because my curiosity grew to know what is going to happen. Although the God is the one that determined my future, but having dreams like this is like an early future for me and I guess homeworks are stacking as I write this blog too. *laughing*
Gooodnight, xxx
Dreams and Nightmares,
Sabrina Nasri Nar Bahadur, Rebellious Rose Writer.
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